Joo know what time it is?

I have been trying to meet La Shellsea Chelsea Handler from E!’s Chelsea Lately Show for sooo long. I tried getting tickets for 4 months! I even went to Regis Philbin’s Million Dollar Password Show yust to see her becoz she was a guest. 1). Why the hell would I go to a gameshow? 2) Why the hell would I care to see Regis Philbin? I mean seriously…

So anyways, I was so excited to finally meet La Pisces Handler and her little Mexican nugget, El Chuey. We arrived at the Studios yust on arrival time, 2:15. We showed up weed our books for an autograph!

The security told us that we couldn’t get in becoz the line was so long. “First come, first serve”, they said… WHAT????? We were on time! I am a professional studio audience goer! They then pointed at this “official” flier. Is it me or do they spell worse than Coacha?

I was devastated!!! I picked up like 5 people and drove all the way to Santa Monica and they didn’t let us in, even though we HAD tickets!!! I understand they want to pack up the studio, pero only the people in the front are on camera, so it’s not fair to pass out more tickets than what joo can get accomodate to.

And I was sooo annoyed of the little bitches in line. They ALL maddogged La Coacha. What’s their stoopid problem?

We didn’t give up. We stayed outside. Joo know me. I talked to random people like this Black Rico Suave guy and his Jewish friend. The Jewish boy’s tattoo in Hebrew was soooo cool!!! These guys were Mariah Carey dancers, and they didn’t even get in =(

The most aggressive Chisme Girl of all, La Mary, wanted us in already. She didn’t give up! La Sagittarius was flirting weed all the security guards there, even the old, married ones. She owns Marge’s Bakery, so she kept telling them, “Joo wanna cookie???”. We didn’t give up. We tried to run inside. They pulled us back out. We were like Lucy and Ethel. The stage manager came out, and I said, “I’m La Coacha. I am going to be on Chelsea’s roundtable. I had sex weed Perez Hilton! I’m famous. I was weed Yoel McHale from the Soup last night”. I even pointed across the street to a billboard, and said LOOK even Yack in the Box is a Wannabe Coacha!!!

They said, “Sorry girls. Next time”, slamming the door on our face!

And then…It happened…I had a Mariah Carey nerbous breakdown!!!!

I was crying so much, I needed to wash my face in a restroom. So we went to the other lobby and I saw a man shecking me up and down. I said, “Armenio?”. He said, “How did joo know?”. I said, “Um is no rocky signs. Where is this restroom?”. This nice Armenian man let us get inside!!!!!!!! We ran to the restroom and started yumping up and down like rockstars.

When we got out of the restroom of course the security guards were suspicious. I said that I was bisiting Yoel McHale from the Soup. They said, “Um he is in the Wilshire building”. DAMN!!! I messed up! I got so annoyed, we yust left. I am sooo exhausted from driving to Santa Monica for no reason.

So, we still have tickets for La Chelsea’s Show on September 3rd.

They don’t know who Coacha is, and on September 3rd they will have no shoice!!!! Becoz I am going to go there and show them what a Chisme Time is!

I bet joo one day I will be a guest on Shellsea’s roundtable. I bet joo! And when that happens I am going to moon the security guards and sing, “It’s Chisme Time, Chisme, Chisme Time!”.