Joo know what time it is?

Some of you may know about my insane fascination with supreme hotness, and my idol, La Chelsea Handler.

I have been following her career since she appeared in that that little known TV show, Girls Behaving Badly. I’ve read all her books, seen every show she’s been in, and constantly have wet dreams about her. Well, I have been trying to meet this wonderful lady and get her to sign my copies of her hilarious books for the past three weeks. Yesterday, IT FINALLY HAPPENED!

My first effort was during a taping of Regis Philpin‘s crappy new game show Million Dollar Password. Chelsea Handler was the guest, and since I was unable to get tickets to her own show (it was always full), this was my alternative. But because of the strict rules that applied for entry into the show, I had to leave my books in the car and they went unsigned. Read about that here.

Then, on August 25th, La Coacha, the chisme girls, our intern Ray, and I managed to snag tickets to a taping of the Chelsea Handler Show. We were ON TIME but all these stupid fans got there over an hour early to wait (they’re obviously not from LA), and we were denied entry because there was no more room and we were too large a party!!!!! We begged, pleaded, flirted, offered blow jobs to security, begged some more. Nothing worked, so once again, my books went unsigned. Of course Coacha’s meltdown did nothing to help my own mood.

Bitches just can’t take rejection well.

Then, yesterday, September 3rd, 2008 – the most wonderful day of my life - I finally got Chelsea to sign my books! Since being denied entry on August 25th, our group was put on a priority list for yesterday’s show. We got there on time again, and were told to stand in a secluded and shaded area, away from the rest of the waiting audience members. The security guards rememebered us, and so did a lot of the crew members we had spoken to on our first attempt. They started talking to us and taking pictures with us. The other audience members were jealous because we were getting the attention we deserved and they weren’t.

When it was time to go in, our group was led in first. The three Chisme Girls were seated in the front, and I sat right behind them because I toned down my wardrobe and wasn’t ‘colorful’ enough. Chelsea was hilarious as usual. She started with a monologue on the new 90210, which were my exact thoughts about that stupid ass show. During the first break, Chelsea saw her books in our hands, and came up to us! She signed my book, “Fred Turd, Suck It!” and scribbled her name below. I literally died and went to heaven.

During her interview, Chelsea kept staring at our group, hypnotized by the three sexy ladies who were unintentionally dressed as that days first guest, burlesque dancer and Marilyn Manson ex- Dita Von Teese, another Wannabe Coacha

Then, during the next break, Chelsea started talking to our group and even found out about Coacha’s sex tape with Perez Hilton. She was as fascinated with us as we were with her.

 

After the show, little Chuy requested we go into his dressing room to meet him in person, SWEAR TO GOD.

The security guards called Chelsea to come and join, but she had already left for a flight to New York so she can co-host The View, so we missed our chance to chat with her a bit more. But you can bet Chelsea will remember us when we once again go to her show on September 17th. Coacha is now one step closer to being on the roundtable!

As for me, I will always have Chelsea’s immortal words, “suck it” scribbled in my copies of her books. I can now die happy.