[La Coacha is Spanglish for 'Life Coach to the Stars'. 'Chisme' is the Spanish word for 'Gossip'. For La Coacha's resume please visit our PRESS SECTION]
A city known for poverty, kidnapping, and tranny prostitutes, Tijuana, Mexico was the playground to a spunky Chiquita who morphed into who we now know as La Coacha. Constantly discouraged by her family, Coacha was sold to a zapateria owner, who cheated on her with 15 year old “Yenny from the Block.” It was at this time Coacha knew she was too talented to live her life in a humdrum existence. Motivated by Kevin Federline’s ‘success’ story and destined to find a place in the white world, where even the uneducated could become millionaires, Coacha migrated to Hollywood. Manipulating the patrolmen with her animal magnetism, she was able to cross the border in her hot pink stilettos and ended up living in Los Angeles on her Tia Kuka’s sofa .
Much to Coacha’s surprise, there were no White faces in L.A. and she was surrounded by melting potheads. Laughed out of every job interview because of her thick accent, the Chismosa thought she could become an icon by bringing ‘chisme’ into the white world. She started making internet videos with the help of her cousin, Don Deport-us, a fat, sports fanatic who hasn’t touched any balls except his own. Soon, Coacha’s videos caught the attention of the Queen of Mean, Perez Hilton, who helped her garner industry attention, and a JooTube celebrity was born. Following in her “Hero’s” footsteps, La Coacha felt destined to become the next great ‘celebrity blogger.’
Once La Coacha’s website was born, Tia Kuka convinced her son, Don Deport-us, to get off his sports gambling ass and make a positive contribution to his cousin’s dream. Don thought that hating on the Lakers and Dodgers as an LA native would be the perfect opportunity to provoke fans, so he agreed to become a blogger.
Coacha then met Dr. Whorovitch , a Jewish 84 year old pop culture analyst, after winning tickets to a Harry Potter convention in St. Catherines, Canada. Since no one cared to hire someone with a PH.D in Pop Culture, Coacha decided to move Whorovitch to L.A. to contribute to her blog.
When Coacha was at a Hollywood café hitting on Ryan Gosling, a “tonto” in glasses came up to them and told Ryan how much he was aroused by “The Notebook.” Ryan was caught off guard, but Coacha was intrigued. Fred Turd, a self-proclaimed straight guy whose favorite movies are “Mean Girls” and “Clueless” soon became a Coacha stalker and begged her for a job because he was tired of turning tricks for money. Coacha decided to give this ‘movie nerd’ a chance.
Together, this graceful foursome make up ChismeTime.com
