Machete is the new, Mexi-CAN pelicula directed by the guapo and brilliant juan-man chow: Roberto Antonio Rodriguez!
La Coacha was honored to be inbited to the especial escreening at Fox Estudios. Gracias to cutie pie, Jose, por the hookup!
The moobie stars El Danny Trejo in his first lead role and according to Rodriguez, its origins go back to Desperado starring Sexican Hayek y Antonio Banderas.
Rodriguez said that he wrote the screenplay back in 1993 when he cast Trejo in Desperado. “So I wrote him this idea of a federale from Mexico who gets hired to do chady yobs in the Jewnited States of America. I had heard sometimes Ef-Bee-Ay ron juan to get their own agents killed, so they’ll hire an agent from Mexico to cum do the yob for $25,000. I thought, ‘That’s Machete. But I nebber got around to making it until now”
And he still wouldn’t hab cum around making the moobie, if it weren’t por all the Robert Rodriguez fans in the world. Machete was a FAKE trailer in the Rodriguez’s & Tarantino’s ”Grindhouse” starring both Rodriguez’s and Marilyn Manson’s ex-fiance: La Rosa McGowan. People beliebed it, and were demanding it. Roberto had no shoice but to create the moobie.
The moobie centers around illegal immigration and the hypocritical world of poli-tics me off! With the controbersy of Arizona’s SB 1070, it was meant for Rodriguez to release the film until now!
The Cast:
Danny Trejo stars as “Machete”. Machete is a tool that can be juiced like a weapon, and since this vato kills people w/a machete, it becomes his nickname. ‘Machete’ is a legendary ex-Federale weed a deadly attitude, who gets all the ladies and is inbincible. Joo can’t fock weed this Mexican!
Although El Michelle Rodriguez is not supposed to be lesbian in the moobie, Michelle’s true colors cum out no matter what. The Boricua/Dominica plays ”Shé” a juanabee, female bersion of “Che” who is a saucy taco-truck lady weed a rebolutionary corazon, protecting illegals.
Yessica “Ron call me a Latina” Alba plays an Immigrations officer torn between Americanos and Mexicanos. Jajaja! No different from real life, ay guess!
Loca Lohan plays a white trach socialite who has a chady papa, likes drogas, alcohol, cigarettes, and sex weed mama. Aw, que cute =) Sounds familiar? Ron juan to gib away the reason why cheese dressed as a nun, pero is not THAT deep! Gracias, Loca por the comedy!
El Roberto Dinero plays a $enator whose anti-immigration stance is POR THE PEOPLE =) Nuff said!
El Cheech Marin plays “Padre,” a priest who is good con blessing pero eben better weed guns. Hey, at least he’s not a Catholic priest who shoves his “gun” in little boys. If joo are a Rodriguez fan, joo can guess what happens to our beloved marijuanero.
Don Yonson plays a Texan border patrol puto who kills illegals for his own pleasure. Congrats to Don Yonson por landing a role after Miami Bice.
Steeben Seagal plays a druglor, and although Mr. Blackbelt is a Judio in real life, ay was in chock that his Spanish was more beliebale than Alba’s. Then again…
Yeff Fahey plays, “a roothless businessman weed an endless payroll of killers.” He plays Loca Lohan’s papa in the moobie.
Machete cums out on September 3 at a theatre near joo! We all must support Robert Rodriguez!
To see Yessica Alba’s bare brown ass, and Loca Lohan’s body double’s chichis, wash the trailer below!
