Joo know what time it is?

It was not too long ago when Coacha and the Chisme Girls were studio audience members at the Kimmel Show. This was around the time when La Sarah Silberman came out weed, “I’m Fucking Matt Damon“. I had actually met La Sagittarius Sarah before this whole incident at Cafe 101. (Now, that I get recognized in Hollywood, I wear hats to disguise myself).

Anyways, so months ago, I took this photo, blew it up, and wrote a note to Kimmel that said, “Yimmie, I am f*cking La Sarah Silberman. xoxo, La Coacha”. The Kimmel warm up guy, El Don Barris, loved it, got me up on stage, made me sing weed the band,  and dance weed Guillermo.He then brought Kimmel out to see me. Sarah happened to be backstage that day and was washing eberyteeng. Uncle Frank told me. Anyways, Kimmel made fun of my watermelon print dress and it was war from then on. Coacha and Kimmel started going at it, making fun of eashother. Coacha ruled the entire pre-show… 

So recently, we all know Kimmel and Silberman BROKE UP. La Coacha went back to the Kimmel Show to get the chisme.

So of course, this time around, eberyone there knew me. I go in there, and the warm up guy, Don Barris, asks me what I brought weed me this time! I shouted, “I HAVE A SEX TAPE OUT WEED PEREZ HILTON!!!!”. The whole audience started making weird noises, some beeshes were saying “What a whore, slut!!”, the queens were clapping, the senior citizens were offended, the band was saying” But he is gay!”. It caused uproar. The band said they didn’t believe it. So, I took out this picture weed Perez and said LOOOOK!!!

On this picture, I wrote another note to Kimmel that said, “Scorpio! Let’s make our own sex tape. xoxo La Coacha”. I then took out the actual Tape, so that Don could give to Kimmel. So of course Kimmel came out and Don goes, “Hey Yimmie, there’s a girl here that claims she has a sex tape weed Perez Hilton”. El Scorpio was sooo confused. El Don then goes, “Please stand up!”. La Coacha stood up (They always put me alllll the way in the back). As soon as I got up, Kimmel goes, “OH OH”. The audience was so quiet. I said, “How are joo papi??? Long time no see”. So Don got me out of my seat to ask Kimmel questions.

Kimmel looked me up and down and said, “Um…Joo are bery dressed up tooday”. I looked at him and said, “Well, joo are single now, right?“. The whole audience goes, “OHHHHHHHHHHHH”.  It hit the spot!!! From being cocky El Scorpio suddenly became soooo sensitive. Hahaha. Chisme Time, Chisme, Chisme Time!!!

(Btw, this is what I was wearing. Joo call this dressed up???)

So the time came to ask El Yimmie about what happened weed La Sarah. So I said, “Ok. What La Coacha doesn’t understand is this. Jeers ago, they had asked La Sarah about when the two of joo would get married.

(He interrupted me and said’ Would joo stop this Yew stuff already, I’m catholic’).

I then said, The Sagittarius told the media that she would not marry the Scorpio until gay marriages become legalized. So, comes a couple months ago, gay marriages FINALLY become legalized and WHAT HAPPENS??? Joo guys break up instead of getting married!!!

COMPLETE UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE….

I looked at Scorpio and said, “What happened papi?”

He looked at me and said, “YEAH, LIKE I AM GOING TO SPILL MY GUTS TO A COMPLETE STRANGER WEED THE MOST FUCKING COLORFUL OUTFIT, Bla bla bla bala” (He went off). The audience was laughing like craaaazy. 

I said, “Who Joo Calling a Stranger? That was the most memorable 10 minutes of my life” And then I started SINGING IN SPANISH, PASSIONATELY!!! 

The show had to start. Yimmie, said that he needs his own copy, becoz he wanted to watch the sex tape by himself. Rourrr.

 Anyways, El Shia LaBeouf was the first Yewish guest. Whatever, back to me! I need to perform on Kimmel’s “Future Talent Showcase”. Either I do, a parody of Madonna’s “Hollywood” (which I am working on right now), or during Christmas time, I perform “I wanna wish Jew a Merry Christmas”. Wish me luck!!!!