Recently, I was told by my friend Bijou that La Lezzie Lohan would be at the Grove Nordstrom for a meet and greet to promote her 6126 leggings line. It’s called 6-1-26 after La Marilyn Monroe’s birthday. How estoopid. If only La Marilyn knew her Gemini birthday would be juiced to sponser La Lindsay’s overpriced, ogly leggings that were probably made in Shina for 2 cents, and sold in the Jewnited States for $150.
So I went tonight (December 8, 2008) to finally meet La Cancer and she was over an hour late! Que typical…There were only maybe 60 people at the event, half of witch were Nordstrom employees and security! That isn’t even an exaggeration at all! Ask Nordstrom. And Lindsay’s Jewish Boyfriend, El Samantha Ronson wasn’t even there, witch made it less fun. All the people in this picture are either Nordstrom employees or her Hollywood reps.
She greeted maybe like twenty fans, all of whom were required to spend a MINIMUM of $150 in our thriving economy. If joo buy 2 leggings, its already over $200. We decided to buy the tacky leapord leggings (that we planned to return), so that she could “personally” style us.
After we were there for a couple of hours, we bought these leggings and got our wristband. Lindsay was taken to the back because we were told, “she was feeling very fragile”. A Nordstrom employee came up to us, the last four people (out of 30) and said “whatever joo guys do be very careful and calm, cheese feeling nervous and scared”. What could possibly have gone wrong??? We are in Nazi Nordstrom, there’s no papparazzi, only ONE personally selected Italiano photographer and a couple of fake starstruck fans.
So, the time arrives. They invite the last few of us in. And guess what…NO LINDSAY!! We were concerned. Did she overdose? I got excited. And then we hear the employees saying “CHEESE DONE. SORRY GUYS”. They started dismantling everything. “WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!”, I started screaming.
A Riot soon broke out among the four fans, which included: a New Jersey college student, a random Filipino pedophile, a Jewish mother and her 5 jeer old daughter, and La Coacha.
A Lebanese guy had this Lindsay cardboard, which was human enough to take a picture with me.
They put up red velvet ropes for her DEPARTURE as if the Queen of England was leaving the court! So she finally comes out, walks the aisle, while it is guarded by 20 unnecessary employees or security. Seriously there were like only 20 people in this aisle, again, half of which were Nordstrom security. She didn’t even smile or wave bye. At least the 100 jeer old fucking Queen of England WAVES!!!
WE WERE SOOOO PISSED!!!! WE WERE SHOUTING “WE SPENT FUCKING 200 DOLLARS ON LONG LESBIAN SOCKS ?????”
We made a scene! Nordstrom employees were trembling. They didn’t know what to do to protect their classy image. The Manager of Nordstrom ran after us on the escalators , LITERALLY, apologized, and gave us a refund. They were so scared, they didn’t want to lose clients because of Lindsay. Some employees even OFFERED US FREE LINDSAY LEGGINGS!!! That’s how bad it was. I denied the free leggings and SO DID THE JEW!!!!
We walked out, and decided why not crash Randy Jackson’s book signing at Barnes and Nobles next door. and guess what? THERE WERE MORE PEOPLE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!JAJAJAJJAJA!!!!
LINDSAY, HERE IS A BIT OF ADVICE …
IF JOO GOT 30 FANS LEFT , MAKE SURE TO KEEP THEM!!!!
La Coacha, the life coach to the stars