Posted by: Don Deportus on Monday, June 9th, 2008 to Sports Deporter

Yes, I am a Lakers hater and I really do despise Kobe Bryant, but game 5 of the Spurs series made me realize one thing: Kobe Bryant is no longer a virgin. Yes, he might have raped a girl, might have a hot wife and kids that he kept with jewelry and being a bitch on national television, but to be honest, he dominated the Spurs in Game 5. In the previous three seasons that Kobe has led his Lakers to unpromising seasons, Kobe was similar to a Virgin boy who always fights with his girlfriend, friends, and starts drunk fights with any guy he sees and ends up with a black eye while still getting up to act hard. He was one of those that never really got laid, but acted as if he did, you know, like most Laker fans.

Anyways, when Kobe started his career, he started quick by winning 3 rings, but the truth of the matter was that he was not the leader. Shaquille O’neal was one of the most dominating centers, who was also in his prime during those years, and with the HELP of Kobe, he was able to lead the Lakers to three rings and finals MVPs. But this year, this year it’s different. Kobe Bryant began the season bitching and ranting about how badly he wanted to be traded, how badly his butt-buddy Andrew Bynum sucked, and how badly a Bulls Jersey would look good on him. He was the same as that virgin boy who tells his friends that the girl he “fucked dawg” sucked, when in all honesty it was the greatest kiss of his life. Something similar to Brian Cook.

He was a drama queen, worse than any woman I have ever dated, and you know me, I’m Don Deportus and I’ve dated 2 girls, but pendejo, those 2 were hotter than any girl you’ve ever seen. You better believe it man. But that’s besides the point. Ok, ok, back to Kobe. In Game 5 he finally proved that he was a man. He led his team from 17 down, and now has all these other virgins alongside of him,acting as if they’re men too. It is close to making the dream possible. After all that drama he caused like a little bitch, he got what he wanted in Paul Gasol, and has now led his team to the finals.

But now that Kobe is in the finals, I’m sorry to say, but I don’t see the same Kobe as I did after game 5 vs. the Spurs. In game one, Kobe looked scared as hell. He might’ve looked scared not in the mindset of his own play, but in the mindset that he just realized that most of his team is white, and I’m sorry, but the gringos have no chance against a guy who has been stabbed nine times (Paul Pierce), a guy who is willing to get stabbed nine times (Kevin Garnett) and Jesus himself (Ray Allen). Besides the point, after game 2, even though the Lakers made that big run, I can’t see the Lakers winning this series at all, and in all honesty, I can only see them winning one game. But, it’s the NBA and they will try to push this series the furthest that they can. It’s a easy sweep as well, but I picture the Lakers losing game 3, winning game 4 and 5, all talks begin about how the Lakers can be the first team to come back from a 3-0 deficit, and lose by 4 in game 6 after a near drastic comeback like the one we witnessed yesterday. If my 3-0 prediction is wrong, then let it be 2-1, but lakers will still lose one at home, leading Boston to the ring in game 6.

Sorry Lakers fans, but the season is over, and so is the dynasty you all were expecting. You can blame the refs on how lopsided the officiating was yesterday, but remember, those same refs helped you against the Jazz in the second round. Also, believe me on this, Kobe next year will be the same as every MVP in the past 6 years (yes even my beloved Steve Nash), if he loses this year. He will come out next year with the mentality of “I don’t want the MVP award, I want a championship” and even though it’s great to have your mindset to win the ring, eventually it will catch up to you. In conclusion, if the Lakers don’t pick up their slack and come out winning 4 in a row, it was a nice run, and this dynasty that they wanted will be destroyed with the likes of all their white people, Radmanovic, Gasol, Vujacic, Walton, Mihm, Farmar, and Turiaf (he’s white for sure), cause you and I know, the white ballers era died after the Celtics in the 80’s. And these new Celtics, they will kill anyone that comes up to them, literally. They’re so hard that they make Brian Scalabrine… actually, nevermind.

Lakers need to trade Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum (who will slowly be an injury report forever) for Ron Artest. Once that deal is done, then the Lakers have a chance.Till then, enjoy game 3, you guys might win, but I call the Celtics victorious by 2, even though the refs were favoring the Lakers.

2 Responses to “ Kobe Bryant is finally a man ”

  1. sounds like somebody has a queer crush on kobe bryant

  2. Let me just tell you something, YOU CAN’T BEAT L.A!!!! as you might know, we won the  serie. I have to admit, though, that Kobe was not much of the great player he is but the team (with all the white fellas) put their things together and did it. They came back in the 4th period, scaring the heck out of Boston! That’s how you do it.

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