Posted by: Don Deportus on Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 to Sports Deporter

With the United States leading the Olympic medal count with a total of 22 and golden boy (in the closet gay boy) Michael Phelps making Olympic history, it comes as no surprise that NBC reports that U.S. viewers have been the highest since the ’76 games. In yesterday’s 200-meter freestyle, Phelps clocked in at 1:42.96, breaking Ian Thorpe’s world record by a full 1.89 seconds, earning him his third gold in Beijing (ninth overall) and buying him his one-way bus ticket to becoming the greatest Olympian in history to have had sex with the top 15 sports bitches (read it now. He didn’t have sex with any of them, but Rony Seikaly does). While Phelps continues to make his Olympic goals clear, Natalie Coughlin is holding it down for the U.S. women’s team by becoming the first female swimmer to defend her gold in the 100-meter backstroke, and wouldn’t I love to backstroke her if you know what I mean, jejejejeje. She was overcome with emotion as she received her second consecutive gold medal in this competition. That’s exactly how I love my women, emotional and obviously getting the gold, jeje.

The Water Cube is not the only venue stirring up excitement for America. Over at the Beijing National Stadium, underdog USA Men’s Gymnastics Team finished with a total score of 275.85, just enough to squeeze by the Germans to earn them a bronze medal. Japan took silver and China earned gold. Jonathan Horton was the best for the team with solid performances and flawless landings, starting the U.S. off strong. (Seriously, how gay do I feel right now talking about gymnastics?) Unfortunately, trouble became apparent on the floor when Joey Hagerty began to stumble and stepped out of bounds twice while Kevin Tan was penalized heavily for straddling the pommel horse during his routine (I feel really gay, actually.). In the end, the U.S. Men’s team celebrated in all the glory as if they won the gold, but I think Kevin Tan was secretly heavily straddling their pommel horses as well, pinche jotos.

Dwyane Wade (who has been the best player for the US) and the USA Men’s Basketball Team swooped Angola 97-76 for their second win in Beijing. This comes only a few days following their 101-70 victory over Yao Ming and the Men’s China Basketball Team. Dwyane Wade scored 19 points, but the main player of the night was Angola’s Carlos Morais who had 24 points. I understand that the US team might be on their way for the Gold, but if you’re letting More Ass score 24 points, that’s not that great of a sign. Speaking of the greatest moments in world basketball history, it just hit me that my good friend from Mexico, Romel Beck made history on the bitch himself, Kobe Bryant. Don’t know if you guys saw this a while ago, but enjoy it:

In Conclusion, the Olympics are the biggest thing going on in the world right now, but once I blow up, jejejeje, all the girls will know what the biggest thing in the world is.

Leave a Reply