Joo know what time it is?

Awww, this is one of my most favorite things to do: Rating Sports Bitches. I’m Don Deportus, the Sports Deporter from ChismeTime.com. Since there aren’t many hot, athletic bitches, I decided to include sports wives, girlfriends and whores on the list. You are going to loooove me for this one.

#15. Lisa Dergan. She’s married to Scott Podsednik. Hahahaha, she’s married to Scott Podsednik. Just ’cause of that, let’s just put her as last. (Btw, I hate Scott Podsednik, but seriously, search Lisa Dergan and make sure you are alone in the room, if you know what i mean. jejejejjeejje)

# 14. Madonna. I don’t wanna hear it from you queens always complaining about us straight men. She’s not that hot anymore, but Madonna makes the list, be happy, ONLY because this whore has hooked up with half the NHL, MLB, PGA, NBA… Dennis Rodman…A-ROD! And you queens STILL love her. This just took a spot on my list, FUCK.

#13. Elin Nordegren. Since when do golfers score Swedish models? Tiger Woods ya’ll, it’s all good ja’ll…

#12. Alicia Rickter. Many people thinks she’s the hottest sports wife ever cause of her 1995 Playboy shoot. I place her at number 12 cause the dumb bitch married Mike Piazza. That means everyone in West Hollywood has a chance of getting married, even FRED TURD. I’m just saying…

# 11. Joumana Kidd. Jason Kidd’s ex-wife takes a beating at all times. Wouldn’t I like to give her a beating, jejejeje. You know, if you flip the ‘m’ in Joumana upside down, her name will be Jouwana Kidd, and baby, of course I wanna kid with you. Not cause of you, but for you, cause if you have a kidd with me, I swear to you he won’t be as ugly as the one you already have. Bring it on mami.

#10. Elsa Benitez. I’m not going to hate on Rony Seikaly. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way they look together…

#9. Vida Guerra. I don’t think she should make the list, even though her pictures are amazing. But La Coacha ,for some reason, has become a lesbian for this lady telling me that she has dated DEREK JETER AND JEREMY SHOCKEY. Don’t I wish I had ass and tits so that I could date two bums and have clueless girls try to explain to me what a big deal JEREMY SHOCKEY IS. Please.

#8. Jessica Simpson. This bitch cost me the greatest bet I’ve ever made. I was about to win $800 off of 10 bucks! Do you hear me? I picked the Mexican led San Diego Chargers to upset the Indianapolis Colts last year, and everyone thought I was an idiot. But I was fucking right! I then decided to put my money on Tony Romo cause I thought, “you know what ,people are hating on him, but this guy just got laid for the past week to Jessica-I-pray-to-God-and-love-thy-Jesus-Simpson. I thought that Holy Jesus Christ experience would lead anyone to do good in anything, but the fucker made me sin so badly.

#7. Anna Kornikova. Have you heard her play tennis? This Russian bitch moans louder than Perez Hilton in his sex tape.

#6. La Eva Longoria. If Tony Parker’s pendeja ever hooked up with me, I’ll add another G to her last name and title it, “Don Deportus from this Long-orGia babbbyyy.” jejejejjejejejejejejje, jejejejjejejejejeje. long orgy. COME ON, IT WAS FUNNYYYY!

#5. Kim Kardashian. She gets to be on this list even though her ass is surgically well made. Most of my Latino friends fantasize what they would do to her, but I guess they don’t realize that they aren’t black like Reggie Bush and don’t have the ability to piss on bitches. Think about it Kim, wouldn’t you wanna be with us Mexicans? Just give us two cervezas, a minute with you, and we’re goood baby.

#4. Carmella DeCesare. Wait, wait, wait, this girl deserves her own article. How in the world did Jeff Garcia get this girl? Jesu Cristo, Hablame!

#3. Adriana Lima. If I’m Marco Jaric, I’m quitting the NBA for life. Listen Marco, you are the worst player I have ever seen, and somehow you are still in the NBA. On top of that, you are one of the ugliest guys I’ve ever seen, and somehow you have Adriana Lima. How can I get your luck man? Please respond. And Dear Adriana, Lick my face please.

#2 Vanessa Bryant. Awww yeeeee. Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa… what I would do to you. Oh girl, if I was with you, I’d get 18 tattoos with your name, buy you a complete collection of purple diamonds, and honestly, you don’t even know how many times I will rape other girls. You are the best wife of all time.

#1. Kobe Bryant. No need to explain…

(Bitches who almost made the list…)

Honorable Mention:

Gisele Bundchen. Many people think she is sooo hot, but in my eyes, Gisele Bundchen is ugly as hell. I think the best part of her is the fact that she is with Tom Brady and what he is capable of doing to other women, and not her…..

Ashley Harkleroad. Listen, listen, I know she’s not the hottest thing in the world, but if a pendeja is planning on being on the cover of Playboy ( check it out in August), then I will put her on my list.

Jason Seahorn’s bitch, Angie Harmon. She’s a mixture between MTV’s vj DUFF of 1994, and a horse. That’s how I like my women to look at all times.

BRIDGETTE WILSON. Only because of Pete Sampras.